The Shame of My Attempt

Suicide is a dark cloud that seems like a rainbow

In February, as I celebrated another revolution around the sun, I decided to get more personal than I’ve probably ever been before (and that’s saying a lot for this Aquarian)! I’ve lived a blessed life and am thankful for all the gifts God’s bestowed upon me. For this and several other reasons, this is definitely the most difficult essay I’ve ever written.

I’ve spoken openly about dealing with Depression for years in hopes that at least one person would read my posts and realize they are not alone, they shouldn’t feel shame, and they can survive this disease! I know it’s helped because I’ve received countless messages from people who have struggled as I have. I’ve engaged folks in conversation about all of the pitfalls associated with Depression and about the things I’ve done to minimize its grasp on my joy. But for all of the dialogue I’ve had on the subject, none of it has shielded me from the deadliness of the disease.

On May 14, 2019… I committed an act that could have led to my death. On 05/14/2019… I initiated a sequence of steps that could have resulted in the loss of my life. On the 14th of May in 2019… I did something with the intention of ending my life!

Then (and now) I struggle to say the phrase, I attempted to die by suicide…